A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds. She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. “You ok?’ she says. ‘Yes.’ he says. You can go and play with the other kids you know’ she says. ‘It’s best I stay here.’ he says. ‘Why’s that sweetie?’ says the blonde. The boy looks at her incredulously and says
“Because I’m the Goalie !”
Read more: A wedding ceremony the priest asked
At a wedding ceremony the priest asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn’t go on, it was time to stand up and speak, or forever hold his or her peace.The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a baby. She started slowly walking toward the pastor. Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom and stormed out of the church.The groom’s mother fainted.The groomsmen and brides maids ran away in all directions.
The priest asked the woman, “Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”The woman replied, “I can’t hear anything from the back….so am moving to the front seats.”
I’VE BEEN BANNED FROM TRACTOR SUPPLY.. Yesterday I was at my local TSC store buying a large bag of my dog’s food for my loyal livestock guard dog and was in the checkout, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog? What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s rear end and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tractor Supply. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of things to say. Forward this now, (especially) to all your mature friends…… it will be their laugh for the day.