A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.” The man says, “Yes, it is.” Boy – “I have a baseball.” Man – “That’s nice.” Boy – “Want to buy it?” Man – “No, thanks.” Boy – “My dad’s outside.” Man – “OK, how much?” Boy – “$150” Man – “Sold.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy – “Dark in here.” Man – “Yes, it is.” Boy – “I have a Wilson infielder’s glove.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?” Boy – “$350” Man – “Highway robbery. Sold.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your gloves, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
The boy says, “$500”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.” They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.”
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I’VE BEEN BANNED FROM TRACTOR SUPPLY..
Yesterday I was at my local TSC store buying a large bag of my dog’s food for my loyal livestock guard dog and was in the checkout, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
What did she think I had an elephant?
So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s rear end and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
I’m now banned from Tractor Supply. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of things to say. Forward this now, (especially) to all your mature friends…… it will be their laugh for the day.